Merel Perrel

< Relaties


 * Merel Perrel spreekt over relaties: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CnxqgVZJm4
 * Onderliggende thema's waar veel stellen ruzie over maken.
 * Power and control
 * Closeness and care
 * Respect and recognition
 * Wat je zou moeten proberen is om reflectief te luisteren i.p.v. te reageren. Dus zeg: ik heb niet het idee dat ik dit gedaan heb, maar ik zie dat jij enz.
 * https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=7&v=5iu9_8Vsmtk
 * For a long time relationships were pretty simple. They were dictated by rules, regligion described how children should talk to their parents, who husbands talk to their wives and how wives didn't have to answer their husbands. Big decisions were made for us: who is the breadwinner, who has to wake up at night to feed the baby, who has the right to demand for sex. What you did was like your father did. But now we have created a world of option. We have to negotiate about everything: do I want a baby, are my needs being met, am I happy, am I happy enough. Conversations have become the hearth of our relationships. I don't have three easy steps to do. Not every problem has a solution. Some things are paradoxes that we need to manage.
 * When lived in tribes. When we moved to the we moved to the cities we got more freedom, but we are also alone.
 * People expect from their partners that they help them with their aloneness. In a marriage we expect the same things as we did before: family life, companionship, economic support, social status, but now we expect our partner to be your best friend, passionate lover, and for the long haul and the long haul is becomming longer. We expect the same from one person that one village used to provide. An you don't solve this problem with Victor(ia')s secret.
 * On 19:20 she talkes about how society helped women to find power and voice, men should also be helped to share their hearth and vulnerability.
 * We should give people to opportunity to become whole. When a paradigm shift there is confusion.